The I in Dreaming

dream dolphins

Dreams don’t reveal your secrets and desires… they are far more important than that

By Emma Young – a writer based in Sydney, Australia

“The interpretation of dreams is the royal road to a knowledge of he unconscious of the mind.” So wrote Sigmund Freud in his 1900 classic The Interpretation of Dreams. He saw this idea as a “once in a lifetime” insight, and for much of the 20th century the world agreed. Across the globe, and upon countless psychoanalysts’ couches, people recounted their dreams in the belief that they contained coded messages about repressed desires. Dreams were no longer supernatural communications or divine interventions – hey were windows into the hidden self.

Today we interpret dreams quite differently, and use far more advanced techniques than simply writing down people’s recollections. In sleep laboratories, dream researchers hook up volunteers to EEGs and fMRI scanners and awaken them mid-dream to record what they were dreaming. Still tainted by association with psychoanalysis, it is not a field for faint-hearted. “To say you’re going to study dreams is almost academic suicide” says Matt Walker at the University of California Berkley. Nevertheless, what researchers are finding will make you see your dreams in a whole new light.

Modern neuroscience has pushed Freud’s ideas to the sidelines and has taught us something far more profound about dreaming. We now know this peculiar form of consciousness is crucial to making us who we are. Dreams help us to consolidate our memories, make sense of our myriad experiences and keep our emotions in check.

Changing patterns of electrical activity tell us that the sleeping brain follows 90-minute cycles, each consisting of five stages- two of light sleep at the start, then two of deep sleep, followed by a stage of REM (rapid eye movement sleep). There is no characteristic pattern of brain activity corresponding to dreaming, but as far as we know all healthy people do it. And while dreaming is commonly associated with REM sleep, during which it occurs almost all of the time, researchers have known since the late 1960s that it can also occur in non-REM sleep – though these dreams are different. Non-REM dreams tend to be sparse and more thought-like, often without the complexity, length and vivid hallucinatory quality of REM dreams.

Despite their differences, both types of dreams seem to hold a mirror to our waking lives. Dreams often reflect recent learning experiences and this is particularly true at the start of a night’s sleep, when non-REM dreaming is very common. Someone who has just been playing a skiing arcade game may dream of skiing, for example (Sleep, Vol. 33, p. 59). The line between waking experience and non-REM sleep has also been observed in brain scanning studies. Pierre Maquet at the University of Liege, Belgium, looked a the later stages of non-REM sleep and found that the brains of volunteers replayed the same patterns of neural activity that had earlier been elicited by waking experiences (Neuron, Vo. 444, p. 535). Many REM-sleep dreams also reflect elements of experience from the preceding day, but the connection is often more tenuous – so someone who has been playing a skiing game might dream of rushing through a forest or falling down a hill.

Sleep on it

We do not simply replay events while we dream, we also process them, consolidating memories and integrating information for future use. Robert Stickgold of Harward Medical School in Boston recently found that people who had non-REM dreams about a problem he had asked them to tackle subsequently performed better on it (Current Biology, Vol. 20, p.1). Likewise, REM sleep has been linked with improved abilities on video games and visual perception tasks, and in extracting meaning from a mass of information (Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, Vol. 92, p.237).

“It is clear that the brain does an immense amount of memory processing while we sleep- and it certainly isn’t mere coincidence that while our brain is sorting out these memories and how they fit together, we’re dreaming” says Stickgold. He suspects that the two types of dream space have different functions for memory, though what these functions are is a matter of debate. Non-REM dreaming might be more important for stabilizing and strengthening  memories, Stickgold suggests, while REM dreaming recognizes the way a memory is sorted in the brain, allowing you to compare and integrate a new experience with older ones.

Jan Born and Susanne Diekelmann at the University of Lubeck in Germany, however, have looked at the same evidence and come to the opposite conclusion- that REM sleep supports the strengthening  of a new memory , while non-REM sleep is for higher-level consolidation of memories (Nature Reviews Neuroscience, Vol. 11, p. 114). “I think this means that we’re still lost when it comes to understanding the role of different sleep stages in memory” says Stickgold.

Also unclear is how central is the role of dreams in memory formation. During dreaming is certainly not the only time our brain consolidate memories. For example, when we daydream certain areas of the brain, called the default network, become active. We now know this network is involved in memory processing (New Scientist, 8/11/2008, p.28) and many of the same brain regions are active during the REM sleep. What’s more, daydreaming, like REM dreaming, can improve our ability to extract meaning from information and to have creative insights.

Does this mean we don’t actually need dream sleep to process memories? Not necessarily, says Walker, who points out that the way new memories are replayed in the brain is different in daydreaming and dreaming. Rat studies show that reruns happen in reverse when the animals are awake and forward when they are sleeping. No one is quite sure what this difference means for memory processing, but Walker believes it shows that daydreaming is not simply a diluted version of sleep dreaming. Maquet agrees. “Different brain states may all have somewhat different functions for memory. Memory consolidation is probably organized in a cascade of cellular events that have to occur serially”, he says- some while you are awake, and then some while you are asleep.

Even if dreaming is crucial for memory, Walker for one does not see this as its main function. “I think the evidence is mounting in favour of dream sleep acting as an emotional homeostasis: basically, rebalancing the emotional compass is a good way at the biological level “ he says. Everyone knows how a short nap can transform a cantnankerous 2-year-old and Walker has shown something similar in adults. He found that a nap that includes REM dreaming mitigates a normal tendency in adults to become more sensitive to angry or fearful faces over the course of a day, and makes people more receptive to happy faces (Cerebral Cortex, Vol. 21, p. 115).

Walker has also found that sleep, and REM sleep in particular, strengthens negative emotional memories (Cerebral Cortex, Vol. 19, p. 1158). This might sound like a bad thing- but if you don’t remember bad experiences you cannot learn from them. In addition, both he and Stickgold think that reliving the upsetting experience in the absence of the hormonal rush that accompanied the actual event helps to strip the emotion from the memory, making it feel less raw as time goes on. So although dreams can be highly emotional, Walker believes they gradually erode the emotional edges of memories. In this way REM dreams act as a kind of balm for the brain, he says. In people with post-traumatic stress disorder this emotion-stripping process seems to fail for some reason, so that traumatic memories are recalled in all their emotional detail- with crippling psychological results (New Scientist, 21/02/2009, p.34).

As with memory processing, REM and non-REM dreaming may play different psychological roles . Patrick McNamara of Boston University has found that people woken at different sleep stages give different reports of their dreams. REM dreams contain more emotion, more aggression and more unknown characters, he says, while non-REM dreams are more likely to involve friendly encounters (Psychological Science, Vol. 16, p. 130). This has led him to speculate that non-REM dreams help us practice friendly encounters while REM dreams help us to rehearse threats.

The interpretation of nightmares

Antii Revonsuo enjoys his nightmares. “At least in hindsight” he qualifies, “as though they were good horror movies where you don’t know it’s movie until it’s over”. But when Revonsuo, at the University of Turku in Finland, thinks that nightmares are the main biological reason for why we dream- they allow us to stimulate scary encounters, and so be better prepared for them in our waking life.

“The theory predicts correctly several features of our dream content” says Revonsuo. For example, he and his colleagues have found that about two-thirds of the dreams of healthy adults involve at least one threat. About 40 per cent of these take the form of aggressive encounters- running away from an attacker or getting into a fight. Such encounters are high among children, accounting for over half of threat dreams in Finnish kids and three-quarters among traumatized Palestinian children.

Revonsuo argues that children’s dreams are closer to our evolutionarily original form of dreaming because children haven’t yet had a chance to adjust to the modern environment. He has found that between 40 and 50 per cent of children’s dreams contain animal characters, often as enemies, which is similar to the instance among adult hunter-gatherers. The figure is just 5 per cent in western adults. “I don’t think any other dream theory has made such specific predictions and shown that they hold” he says.

It is a neat idea, but Robert Stickgold at Harvard Medical School in Boston cannot believe that’s all there is to dreaming. “I think Revonsuo has made the same mistake as Freud- which is to limit dreaming’s functionality. I think dreaming is absolutely about threat rehearsal some of the time. Bit it is absolutely about other things, too.”

So what do dreams mean?

All this suggests that we couldn’t function properly without dreaming, but it doesn’t answer the perennially intriguing question: what do dreams actually mean?

For some sleep researchers the answer is simple- and disappointing. Born argues that dreams themselves have no meaning, they are jut an epiphenomenon, or side effect, of brain activity going on during sleep, and it is this underlying neuronal activity, rather than actual dreams, that is important. Walker finds it hard to disagree. “I don’t want to believe it. But I don’t see large amounts of evidence to support the idea [that dreams themselves are significant] he says.

Those researchers who refuse to accept the notion that the content of dreams is unimportant point to work by Rosalind Cartwright of Rush University in Chicago. In a long series of studies starting in the 1960s she followed people who have gone through divorces, separations and bereavements. Those who dreamed most about these events later coped better, suggesting that their dreams had helped. “Cartwright’s work provides some of the most solid evidence that dreaming serves a function says Erin Wamsley at Harvard Medical School. There is no hard data showing that dreaming is not an epiphenomenon, she admits, but the same could be said about waking consciousness.

In fact, Wamsley’s own research hints that the form and function of a dream are connected. She worked with Stickgold on the study which found that non-REM dreams boost people’s performance on a problem. Their volunteers wee given an hour’s training on a complex maze then either allowed a 90-minute nap or kept awake. The dreamers subsequently showed bigger improvements, but the biggest gains of all were in people who dreamed about the maze. It dod not seem to matter that the content of these dreams was obtuse. One volunteer, for example, reported dreaming bout the maze with people at checkpoints- though there were no people or checkpoints in the real task- and then about bat caves that he had visited a few years earlier. Stickgold didn’t expect this to improve volunteer’s ability to navigate the maze, and yet this person got phenomenally better”.

He points out that the dream content is consistent with the idea that during dreaming memories are filled with other past experiences for future reference. “Dreams have to be connected in a meaningful, functional way to improvements in memory- not just be an epiphenomenon” he says. “I say this with fervent emotion , which is what I use when I don’t have hard data”.

Such evidence may one day be forthcoming, though. In the past, there has been no objective way to record what someone is dreaming, but that could change. Yukiyasu Kamitani at the ATR Brain Information Communication Research Laboratory in Kyoto, Japan, and colleagues have used fMRI scans to recreate scenes that volunteers were picturing in their mind while awake. The team hasn’t yet done this with dreams, but it is theoretically possible, says Kamitani. It would not be like watching the movie, he adds, “but it may be possible to predict what kind of dream a person is experiencing using currently available technology”.

Some may think all this peering and prodding at our dream world is taking away its magic but the researchers don’t see it that way. While you are dreaming, your brain literally reshapes itself by rewriting and strengthening  connections between neurons. So although dreams do not reveal the secret you, they do play a key role in making you who you are. “The mystery and the wonder of dreams is untouched by the science” says Stickgold. “It just helps us appreciate better how amazing they really are.

Source: New Scientist, 12 March 2011


What’s mind got to do with it?

people in the information space

What is on your mind?

“Mind waits for the feelings to shift and change all by themselves.

Mind does not dictate when this will happen, or how long it will take.

Mind just holds the space for it to happen.

As the stage manager, Mind sets the tone, the lights, the colors.

And then Mind steps back and allows feelings to enter the stage,   

to share their pain and experiences and memories”.


Cialo, dusza i umysl



Nie jest zadna tajemnica ze jako ludzie odbieramy swiat na roznych poziomach postrzegania rzeczywistosci. Jednym z tych poziomow jest cialo, drugim umysl, a trzecim dusza. Jest jeszcze czwarty poziom, ktorego nieraz uczymy sie w kregach religijnych- poziom obserwatora (Najwyzszego, ktory widzi wszystko). Cztery poziomy postrzegania swiata to dosc skomplikowana struktura w ktorej latwo mozna sie pogubic. Innymi slowy, czlowiekiem nie jest wcale tak latwo byc…

Cialo ma nam do zaoferowania odczucia z wewnatrz czyli dyskomfort, bol, scisk, skurcz, nacisk, mrowienie, cieplo, goraco, odretwienie, drzenie, rozluznienie, migrena, rozstroj zoladka, inne mniej lub bardziej powazne choroby wewnetrzne i zewnetrzne dotyczace ciala. Cokolwiek dzieje sie w naszym ciele jest to sygnalem procesu zachodzacego w srodku. Np sygnalem trawienia sniadania jest lekki odglos bulgoania w zoladku. Sygnalem strachu przed trudnym egzaminem jest scisk w zoladku lub scisk w gardle. Sygnalem smutku sa lzy. Sygnalem gniewu sa przeklenstwa. Sygnalem strachu jest ucieczka.

Smutek i gniew prowadza nas do drugiego z czterech poziomow postrzegania- do duszy. Dusza w kontekscie mojego opisu to wszelkie uczucia i emocje ktore pojawiaja sie wewnatrz czlowieka w odpowiedzi na osobiste doswiadczenia zyciowe. Uczuc podstawowych mamy zaledwie piec i sa to szczescie, strach, smutek, zlosc i obrzydzenie. Pozostale emocje to pochodne (odcienie) uczuc podstawowych. Uczucia oddzialywuja na nasze cialo i wyzwalaja reakcje ciala. Podobnie dzieje sie z umyslem- uczucia oddzialywuja na nasz umysl i wyzwalaja reakcje umyslu.

Umysl odpowiada na emocje tworami umyslu czyli myslami, przekonaniami, uprzedzeniami, pewnikami ze jest tak a nie inaczej, wyobrazeniami, planami na przyszlosc, wpomnieniami z przeszlosci, marzeniami na jawie, marzeniami sennymi, jezykiem mowionym, jezykiem pisanym i jezykiem slyszanym. Umysl ma naprawde niesamowity wahlarz mozliwosci jesli chodzi o rozpoznawanie tego, co dzieje sie i w ciele i w duszy. Dzieki cwiczeniu umiejenosci postrzegania rzeczywistoci przez umysl, jestesmy w stanie o wiele trafniej wejsc w kontakt z naszym zyciem uczuciowym i z naszym wlasnym cialem. Mamy takze mozliwosc powiazania ciala, duszy i umyslu o ile wlozymy troche pracy w proces praktyki medytacji uwaznosci (mindfulness).

Medytacja uwaznosci zabierze nas na poziom czwarty- na poziom widzenia swojego ciala, duszy i umyslu z perspektywy obserwatora. Nie bedziemy juz calkowicie stopieni z wlasnym cialem, nie bedziemy juz calkowicie stopieni z wlasna dusza ani z wlasnym umyslem- bedziemy mogli widziec wszystkie te trzy poziomy postrzegania rzeczywistosci z perspektywy. Co nam uzyskanie takiej perspektywy da? Perspektywiczne spojrzenie na siebie samego daje mozliwosc zobaczenia pulapek ktore zastwiamy sami na siebie w roznych sytuacjach zyciowych. Bedziemy mogli zobaczyc rutyne ktora wylacza nasza wrazliwosc na odmienne-„podobne” bodzce pochodzace z otoczenia oraz stres, ktory przelacza tryb dzialania na automatycznego pilota. Z perspektywy obserwatora nie damy sie juz sobie samym tak latwo zmanipulowac do dobrze znanego i utartego sposobu bycia takim samym. Nasz wewnetrzny obserwator zainspiruje nas do tego zeby siegnac po to, co dla nas wazne w znaczeniu ponadczasowym. Obserwator bedzie mogl bezblednie czytac doskonale sobie znane cialo, dusze i umysl i na podstawie tej wiedzy modyfikowac wlasne zachowanie w imie dazenia do tego co sie dla nas w zyciu najbardziej liczy. Warto wiec zajac sie budzeniem swojego wewnetrzneg obserwatora do zycia, bo dzieki niemu mozemy wiele zdzialac.

Meczace uczucie


Kalejdoskop uczuc pojawiajacych sie w naszym wnetrzu jest nam potrzebny tak jak przyrodzie potrzebna jest zmienna aura pelna slonca, deszczu, goraca, chlodu i neutralnej pogody, mglistych porankow i mroznych wieczorow. Uczucia, tak jak przyroda, nie pojawiaja sie w naszym wnetrzu bez przyczyny. Zwykle sa one dla nas sygnalem ze cos waznego sie w nas dzieje, ze czegos nam brakuje, ze cos sprawia nam radosc, ze cos nas boli, a na cos innego reagujemy obrzydzeniem. Uczucia, tak jak pogoda, zmieniaja sie w zaleznosci od wydarzen w naszym zyciu i naszej reakcji na te wydarzenia.

Wezmy za przyklad smutek, ktory pojawia sie w odpowiedzi na smierc bliskiej osoby. Smutek przynosi lzy, podniesiony prog wrazliwosci na smutek innych, ciezkosc w okolicy serca, poczucie slabosci, rozbicia oraz czesto poczucie bezsensu i pustki szczegolnie jesli odeszla osoba najblizsza. Zal, ze jestesmy sami, rozpacz za tym co odeszlo i niemoznosc odzyskania radosci z przeszlosci przygniataja i obezwladniaja czlowieka szczegolnie w krotkim czasie tuz po doswiadczeniu straty.

Smuek jest podobny do burzy ktora niespodziewanie nadeszla nad nasz piekny ogrod. Godzina po godzinie, niemilosiernie silny wiatr i deszcz przeciazyly delikatne zdzbla trawy i pachnace kwiaty. Trawa polozyla sie plasko na ziemi a kwiaty stracily platki i won pod ciezarem nawalnicy. Wysepki i sciezki przemienily sie w blotniste, slizkie tory poslizgowe.

Tymczasowe zniszczenia przyniesione przez niespodziewana burze sa utrudnieniem do czerpania radosci ze swojego wlasnego ogrodu. Uczucia smutku, zalu i zlosci, ze tyle naszej pracy „poszlo na marne” sa obecne w naszym wnetrzu calkiem zasadnie bo cos faktycznie stracilismy. Zapominamy jednak o jednej waznej rzeczy ktora moze miec znaczenie dla naszego powrotu do siebie. Zapominamy o tym, ze burze przychodza i odchodza, ze woda uzyznia pobudza do zycia rosliny i ze po czasie ogrod znow obudzi sie do zycia rozkwitajac i zieleniac sie swiezymi liscmi na nowo.

Niestety nie zawsze dopuszczemy do siebie mysl, ze nasze uczucie smutku i zalu jak przyszlo tak tez kiedys odejdzie na podobienstwo burzy. Tak jak deszcz, nasze lzy musza zostac wylane zeby nasze zycie moglo wrocic do normy i obudzic sie na nowo do kolejnych wyzwan stawianych nam przez zycie. Wiedzac, ze tymczasowa natura burzy jest jak tymczasowa natura smutku, mozna z czasem nabrac dystansu do wlasnego doswiadczenia smutku i do tymczasowych zmian jakie ten smutek za soba niesie. Nie jest to jednak fizycznnie mozliwe na samym poczatku po stracie, bo wtedy jestesmy skapani w smutku i przesiaknieci bolem.

Nabranie dystansu przychodzi samo jako mozliwy krok naprzod nieco pozniej, gdy wilgoc smutku ktorym bylismy przesiaknieci nieco odparuje. Nabranie dystansu z wlasnej inicjatywy to koniecznosc wtedy, gdy nie mozemy sie samoistnie z objec swojego wlasnego smutku wydostac. Wtedy gdy jestesmy w pulapce smutku, smutek trwa, lzy plyna, a na horyzoncie nie widac zadnego swiatelka nadzieji na lepsza sloneczna pogode. Nabierajac wiec dystansu do wlasnego doswiadczenia smutku akceptujemy z jednej strony jego istnienie, a zdrugiej strony z wlasnej inicjatywy zaczynamy widziec z odleglosci to, co sie nam przydarzylo oraz zauwazac tymczasowosc naszego doswiadczenia. Dystans ktory sila wlasnej woli uzyskamy, pozwoli wprowadzic do naszego serca wewnerzny spokoj. Akceptacja cierpienia pozwoli nam z pokora przyjac nature burzy po ktorej deszczu juz nie bedzie. Dzieki dystansowi i akceptcji damy sobie szanse na wewnerzny spokoj do czasu az nadciagnie kolejna burza i znow bedziemy musieli stawic jej czola.

12 Most Annoying Bad Habits of Therapists

Counselling and Support

Psychotherapy is a unique relationship, a kind of connection that is unlike any other kind of relationship a person has in their life. In some ways, it can be more intimate than our most intimate relationships, but it also paradoxically values a vestige of professional distance between therapist and client.

Therapists, alas, are just as human as the clients they see and come with the same human foibles. They have bad habits, as we all do, but some of those habits have the very real potential of interfering with the psychotherapy process and the unique psychotherapy relationship.

So without further ado, here are twelve things you wish your therapist didn’t do — some of which may actually harm the psychotherapeutic relationship.

1. Showing up late for the appointment.

Therapists will usually charge a client for an appointment if they fail to cancel it with less than 24 hours notice. Yet some therapists seem perfectly oblivious to the clock when it comes to showing up on time for appointments. While the occasional lateness may be excused, some therapists seem to be living in another time zone altogether and consistently show up late for their appointments with their clients — anywhere from 5 minutes to even two hours! Chronic lateness is often symptomatic of poor time management skills.

2. Eating in front of the client.

Unless you have enough for everyone, eating and drinking during a psychotherapy appointment is considered ill-mannered. Some therapists offer clients the same access to coffee or water that they themselves enjoy. (If you’re going to drink something in front of a client, make sure you offer your client the same.) Eating while in session — by client or therapist — is never appropriate (it’s therapy, not mealtime). And asking, “Do you mind if I finish my lunch while we get started?” is inappropriate — clients don’t always feel comfortable enough with expressing their true feelings.

3. Yawning or sleeping during session.

Yes, believe it or not, there are therapists who fall asleep during session. And while an occasional yawn is a normal component of our daily functioning, non-stop yawning is usually only interpreted one way by a client — they are boring the therapist. Therapists need to get a good night’s sleep every night, or else they cannot be effective in their job (which requires constant and consistent attention and concentration).

4. Inappropriate disclosures.

Inappropriate disclosures refer to the therapist sharing a bit too much about their own personal difficulties or life. Most therapists are warned about doing too much disclosure in session with their clients, because it’s the client’s therapy, not the therapist’s. Therapists shouldn’t plan their vacations while in session, go on endlessly about their graduate school training or research topics (especially if they were focused on rats), or share how much they enjoy their summer house on the Cape. Therapists should keep personal disclosures limited (even when the client asks).

5. Being impossible to reach by phone or email.

In our ever-more connected world, a therapist who doesn’t return phone calls or an email about an upcoming appointment or insurance question stands out like a sore thumb. While no client expects 24/7 connectivity to their therapist (although some might like it), they do expect timely return calls (or emails if the therapist allows that modality of contact). Waiting a week for a return phone call is simply unprofessional and unacceptable in virtually any profession, including psychotherapy.

6. Distracted by a phone, cell phone, computer or pet.

Therapists will often ask their clients to silence their cell phone before entering session. The policy has to go both ways, or it shows disrespect to the client and their time in session. Therapists should virtually never accept any phone calls while in session (except for true emergencies), and they should turn away from any other distractions, such as a computer screen. In a world that increasingly values inattention and multi-tasking, clients seek refuge from such distractions in the psychotherapist’s office.

7. Expressing racial, sexual, musical, lifestyle and religious preferences.

Although an extension of the “too much disclosure” bad habit, this one deserves its own special mention. Clients generally don’t want to hear about a therapist’s personal preferences when it comes to their sexuality, race, religion or lifestyle. Unless the psychotherapy is specifically targeting one of these areas, these types of disclosures are usually best left alone. While it might be fine to mention something in passing (as long as it’s not offensive), a therapist who spends an entire session discussing favorite musicians or love of a particular religious passage is not likely helping their client.

8. Bringing your pet to the psychotherapy session.

Unless cleared and okayed ahead of time, therapists should not bring their pets to the office. While sometimes therapists see clients in a home office, pets should stay out of the office while they are in session. To the client, a psychotherapy session is a refuge and a place of peace and healing — pets can disturb that peacefulness and calm. Pets are generally not an appropriate part of psychotherapy.

9. Hugging and physical contact.

Physical contact between client and therapist must always be expressly spelled out and okayed by both parties ahead of time. Yes, that includes hugging. Some clients are disturbed by such touching or hugging, and want no part of it (even if it’s something a therapist might typically do). Both therapists and clients should always check ahead of time with the other before attempting any type of physical contact, and respect the other person’s wishes. At no time is a sexual relationship or sexual touching appropriate in the psychotherapy relationship.

10. Inappropriate displays of wealth or dress.

Psychotherapists are first and foremost professionals, and any displays of wealth and style should be discarded in exchange for dressing in an appropriate and modest style. A therapist slathered in expensive jewelry is a put-off to most clients, as are blouses or dresses that show too much skin or cleavage. Too casual of dress can also be a problem. Jeans may suggest too casual an approach to a professional service that the client is paying for.

11. Clock watching.

Nobody likes to feel they are boring to another person. Unfortunately the therapist who hasn’t learned how to tell the time without checking the clock every five minutes is going to be noticed by the client. Most experienced therapists have a good sense of how long a session has gone without having to look at a clock until late in the session. But some therapists seem obsessively compulsive about making note of the time, and the client notices (and internally, they may tell themselves what they’re saying isn’t really important to the therapist).

12. Excessive note-taking.

Progress notes are a standard part of psychotherapy. Many therapists do not take notes during a session because it can be distracting to the process of psychotherapy. They instead rely on their memory to cover the highlights of the session after the session has ended. Some therapists, however, believe they must capture every detail of every session in their notes, and obsessively note-take during sessions. Such constant note-taking is a distraction for most clients, and some may find that the therapist uses the behavior to keep an emotional distance from the client. If note-taking is done during session, it should be done sparingly and discreetly.

Text by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. as published on



Potrzebujemy czuc sie bezpiecznie wsrod innych ludzi. Najlepszym miejscem zeby poczuc sie bezpiecznie jest zwykle twoj wlasny dom. Twoje male krolestwo, twoj azyl i cichy kacik. Nie zawsze jednak domownicy zapewniaja ci warunki szklarnowe. Warunki,ktore daja komfort i poczucie bezpieczenstwa. Nieproszone odwiedziny, zaklocanie spokoju, wciaganie w niechciane dyskusje, dzielenie miejsc z osobami nie liczacymi sie z innymi jesli chodzi o halas, zachowania czy zapachy rozsiewane wokol sa nieraz czescia zycia w domu.

Bezpieczenstwo potrzebuje sprzyjajacych warunkow taby moglo zaistniec takze w zaciszu wlasnego domu. Sprzyjajace warunki to spokoj, cisza, branie pod uwage preferencji wszystkich domownikow, ustalanie co zrobic zeby nie zrobic przykrosci komus obok, branie pod uwage konsekwencji swoich czynow, ustalanie na przyszlosc zeby uniknac nieporozumien i wyboru kolidujacego z innymi wyborami.

Bezpieczenstwo potrzebuje Ciebie samego jako ochroniarza broniacego twoich wlasnych preferencji. Jesli dzieje sie cos co nie pozwala zaistniec sprzyjajacym warunkom to ty jestes odpowiedzialny za to zeby cos z tym zrobic. Zwrocenie uwagi i poproszenie o zmiane to forma aktywnej ochrony swoich wlasnych interesow. Nie robienie niczego i czekanie to pasywnosc ktora pozwala temu co nas denerwuje dalej miec miejsce w niezmienionej formie.

Twoj wewnetrzny ochroniarz  jest tez oficerem strazy granicznej, bo chroni twoje wlasne granice przed naruszeniem ich przez niechciane gesty, slowa, zachowania czy innego rodzaju kontakt.

Mozna powiedziec ze ty sam jestes tez dla siebie takim domem czy cicha przystania. Mozesz byc domem pelym spokoju ale mozesz tez byc domem pelnym zamieszaniai chaosu. Spokojny dom to piekny symbol przedstawiajacy spokojnego czlowieka. Nie zawsze jednak bedziesz w stanie zapenic sobie wewnetrzny komfort i poczucie bezpieczenstwa. Gdy pozwolisz innym obrazac sie czy namawiac do czegos czego nie chcesz, gdy dasz sie wciagac w niekonczace sie rozmowy telefoniczne w ktorych nie chcesz uczestniczyc, czy spedzasz czas z osobami ktorych tak naprawde nie masz ochoty widziec- nie dajesz sobie wtedy ani grama szansy na zbudowania wewnetrznego bezpieczenstwa.

Wewnetrzny spokoj potrzebuje sprzyjajacych warunkow, ochroniarza i strazy granicznej bo zycie nie jest idealne chocbys bardzo tego chcial. Zawsze znajdzie sie ktos kto bedzie czyms zaburzal ta harmonie wiec to ty a nie nikt inny mozesz podjac dzialanie aby dac sobie wewnetrzny spokoj w razie potrzeby. Sprzyjajace warunki czyli przyjazni, otwarci, wrazliwi ludzie wokol oraz twoja wlasna wrazliwosc na potrzeby swoje i innych pozwali ci utrzymac zewnetrzna i wewnetrzna harmonie w razie potrzeby.

Czasami lepszym symbolem do ukazania swojego wnetrza z perspektywy bezpieczenstwa zewnetrznego i wewnetrzgo jest ogrod. Ty jako ogrod, ogrod z ogrodzeniem i roslinami, kwiatami, ktore zdobia ten ogrod swoim pieknem. Co zrobisz gdy do twojego ogrodu wtargnie szkodnik? Jak zareagujesz gdy powoj zacznie sie rozrastac i swoimi pnacymi pedami dusic inne rosliny? Jak postapisz jesli krzew ktory zasadziles uschnie? To ty jestes ogrodnikiem w swoim ogrodzie. To ty chronisz swoj wlasny ogrod. To ty o niego dbasz i utrzymujesz ogrodzenie i furtke w dobrym stanie. A po co? Po to zeby przypadkowi ludzie nie zaczeli rozbijac namiotow w twoim ogrodku ani nie zrobili sobie skrotu i sciezki dzies indziej ktora niszczy czesc tej pieknej kompozycji ktora sworzyles swoimi silami.

Duzo zalezy tez od twojego nastawienia do siebie samego, do twojego domu, do twojego ogrodu. To co sam cobie mowisz o sobie, jak oceniasz siebie, to co robisz,  to co myslisz, to co czujesz gdy porzucasz samego siebie dla rzeczy ktore tak naprawde nic specjalnego ci nie daja- to wszytko wplywa na stan twojego umyslu- na stabilnosc twojego domu i na sile roslin w twoim ogrodzie.

Otaczaj sie tym co ci sie podoba, co lubisz i co kochasz a twoje wnetrze bedzie mialo wtedy o wiele bardziej sprzyjajace warunki zeby podobac sie sobie samemu i zeby siebie tak zwyczajnie lubic. Patrz wglab siebie i jesli cos cie gnebi zrob gest w odpowiedzi na to uczucie. Nie pozwol aby uczucie trwalo i meczylo cie czy zaklocalo ci twoj wewnetrzny spokoj. Dzialaj z mysla o rozwiazaniu. Tak rodzi sie wewnetrzne bezpieczenstwo i oparcie w sobie. Dajac oparcie sobie bedziesz mogl dac oparcie innym. Dajac oparcie innym wejdziesz w swiat bezpieczenego otoczenia ktorego bedziesz doswiadczal i ty i ci blisko ciebie.

To co wazne

all together

To co wazne dla czlowieka jako istoty zywej, spolecznie aktywnej i emocjonalnie wrazliwej to tak zwane potrzeby emocjonalne. To one okreslaja jak bardzo ludzcy jestesmy w stosunku do innych ludzi i do siebie samych.

I. Potrzebujemy czuc sie bezpiecznie wsrod innych ludzi

II. Potrzebujemy uznania, aprobaty oraz liczenia sie w zyciu kogos innego

III. Potrzebujemy akceptacji od innnego czlowieka ktory jest zrownowazony, godny zaufania i ktorego stac na gest opiekunczosci w stosunku do innych.

IV. Potrzebujemy aby inni dawali nam dowody potwierdzajace ze nasze doswiadczenia maja dla nich sens i znaczenie

V. Potrzebujemy okreslac siebie samych wg wlasnych preferecji

VI. Potrzebujemy wiedziec ze udaje sie nam wywierac wplyw na drugiego czlowieka- wplyw, ktory ma znaczenie.

VII. Potrzebujemy brac od innych ktorzy chca nam cos dac z wlasnej inicjatywy (byc zauwazonym)

VIII. Potrzebujemy wyrazac milosc w stosunku do innych ludzi (przez cieplo i wdziecznosc)